What to Expect at Family Court

This guest-authored blog post shares valuable insight into what to expect at family court. Whether you’re wondering what to wear, how the process works, or what to anticipate on the day, this guide provides clear answers for those attending court.

We’re thrilled to feature Philip Crayford KC as our author—a leading figure in family law, renowned for his expertise in family court proceedings and financial remedies.

Philip served as Head of Chambers at 29 Bedford Row from 2016 to 2021. His distinguished career focuses primarily on financial remedy work, handling high-net-worth divorce cases, family and offshore trusts, international finance disputes, TOLATA claims, pre-nuptial and cohabitation agreements and Schedule 1 Children Act claims.

A trained arbitrator and consultant editor of Family Affairs, the FLBA’s magazine, Philip’s contributions to the field have been widely recognized. In 2022, he was named Family Silk of the Year by both Family Law and The Legal 500.

We’re honoured to have such a distinguished guest-author, so without further ado, here’s Philips’ own words:

Before You Get to Court

Assuming you are going through a divorce for the first and hopefully only time, what do you need to know about your day in court? 

The best piece of advice is almost certainly to have avoided court altogether. If it’s not too late, stand back and take a deep breath. You may be shaking with anger, hurt or disappointment following the breakdown of your marriage, but it is wise to calm down and as our senior clerk once put it, don’t get mad, get even. So often have I witnessed a client’s journey through the courts, fuelled by anger and optimism in even measure only to be ground down over months, and then years, by the sheer mechanistic pressure of the process. What looked like a clear path to justice, truth and remedy can so quickly sour into delay, obfuscation, mistrust, sleepless nights, financial catastrophe, recriminations about the children, a loss of self-confidence – and so on. 

This is why several avenues of non-court settlement options have arisen over the last decade or two. There are still a few husbands and wives who see the process as a war of revenge, inflicting maximum damage on to their former spouse. But most litigants are rational enough to see the wisdom of saving costs by settling [anything from £100,000 to £9m1 in legal costs – give it to your spouse rather than the lawyers.]. Far better to agree a compromise that to have someone else’s view imposed upon you. 

But the world is not perfect, and cases cannot always be settled. So you have been through the preliminaries, the disclosure process, the lengthy stressful and expensive meetings with your solicitors (and sometimes counsel) and your agonising soul-searching. You may now have at least three court hearings to gear up for.

The Court Hearings 

The first is likely to be the First Appointment hearing. It may be a bit tense sitting in the same room as your ex for the first time in a while, but you don’t have to say anything, no one is judging you, and the process is relatively pain free. You may even be ready to talk settlement with the other side, and if so, tant mieux, but it’s not common. 

Then might come the Financial Dispute Resolution hearing, ‘public’ or private i.e. within the court system or outside it. This hearing often achieves overall settlement of your claim and does require some prior thought; you will have been through a painful separation, months of interlocutory sparring and a wet towel to the head moment when you have had to formulate your offer. The good news is that you still don’t have to say anything at the hearing (unless you are acting in person); your advocate will have set out your case on paper, with your input and right of correction, and will give a short summary of the issues and what you say about them. 

The private FDR has one enormous advantage over the court process model – by employing and paying the judge you know that he or she will certainly have read the papers beforehand, something a busy judge in court may well not have done. You also book him or her for the day and time pressure should not need to interfere with negotiations on the day.  

The adjudicator (invariably a judge if the hearing is court-based or a retired judge or a practicing barrister if it is private) will give you his or her indication of what the likely outcome of your case would be at trial on the basis of the submissions made on that day. Judges vary; they are human and fallible; some are extremely user-friendly, some are highly numerate, some are both – and some are less so. The point is that there is a margin of uncertainty between different judges’ view of any particular case. What you can trust, however, within the alternative dispute resolution process, is that your private FDR judge will do their very best to help you settle your case – partly because they know that your costs are statistically likely to double between FDR and final hearing, but also because every judge knows what an expensive, stressful and uncertain exercise going to a final hearing can be. 

If your case really cannot be settled it’s on to that great lottery, the final hearing. Here, even though press and public are unlikely to be present, you are on display. Inside the court building there will be a sea of faces around you, some familiar, some not. Actually in court itself, it’s the same; ushers, barristers, rows of solicitors. Your own team should be supportive and reassuring; do not hesitate to ask if you do not understand anything. You are the paying client. 

Be Prepared for Your Day in Court

At this stage you are likely to be somewhere between mildly apprehensive and frankly terrified.  Be ready, on time, and as calm as is realistically possible. Dress well and tidily, without being showy. It probably makes no difference what you wear but beware the subliminal influence of an outlandish outfit, or the message given by your Chanel and Louboutin. Sensible, honest and reasonable is what you want to project – on one hand not over-gilding the lily, but on the other, while prepared to accept any obviously good points put to you in evidence, holding fast to your honest concept of fairness. Avoid any trace of bitterness; it’s not attractive, or persuasive, and can easily tilt the judge against you. Remember, too, if it be the case, that you will have to maintain some kind of future relationship with your ex if there are children involved; the judge will want to hear that.  

Your ideal judicial assessment runs something like, “I found X to be an impressive witness, intelligent, open and honest, at all times trying to help the court – where there was any conflict between the parties’ evidence I unhesitatingly preferred that of X”. 

The best part of your day(s) in court is likely to be the moment you walk out of the building, feel the clouds lifting and say to yourself, thank you lawyers, thank you Level, but never again. 

Philip Cayford KC